Roots and Ripples

August 23, 2025

How do I add value to people’s lives—both my brothers and sisters—when I know that everyone is on their own journey, and often our crossings are brief?

Today Michael said something that touched me. He called his older sister, Aria, his BFF forever. I smiled and repeated his words back to him, because it was more than just sibling sweetness—it was a reminder that they’re growing up together. My hope is that they’ll always keep that bond, and learn how to stay that way.

It made me think about my own siblings, and the bonds that shaped me.

I grew up in a family of eight—the sixth born, the third youngest, and the middle daughter of three. My best friend was my brother Tou, just 20 months older than me. We climbed trees and rooftops together, and I was his bag lady when he and the boys went pomegranate and walnut picking in someone else’s yard without permission. We’d bring them home, and my mom and everyone else would share in the feast. That’s how I grew up—playing, laughing, and sometimes misbehaving—with my siblings.

I had neighborhood friends too, but my siblings were my first crew. My sister Mary, five years older than me, brought me into her circle a few times. Once she dressed me up in baggy brown jeans, and I remember looking down while sitting cross-legged and noticing a hole in the crotch. I was so embarrassed! My older brother Nhia, seven years ahead of me, was bossy in that big-brother way. I still remember running around with my sister Lee, fighting over a book, when I tripped over Nhia’s foot and fell onto the heater, burning my stomach.

Lee and my youngest brother Chue were only 11 to 29 months younger than me. We fought like cats and dogs, but we also played hard. As teenagers, we became each other’s homies—getting high, sipping moonshine, and just being together. My brother John was different—more of a free spirit, often away with friends. My oldest brother, 15 years ahead of me, felt more like an uncle at times. He and his wife came up with fun games for everyone to play, including their sons, who were only a few years younger than me.

Those are the roots of who I am: memories of siblings shaping my days, for better and for worse. And yet, the last time we were all truly gathered was at my mom’s funeral. That shared loss changed us. It reminded me that life is short, fragile, and precious.

Now, at 39, I’m almost halfway to 40. This decade will never come again. Only through the lives of my children, nieces, and nephews will I see glimpses of what’s past. The summer season is ending, and so is this particular season of my life. Another is beginning.

And I find myself asking: How do I bring value now? How do I honor the family that shaped me, and love the people God has placed in my life today?

I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin. I know my flaws and where I need to grow, but I also see the strength God has built in me through love, companionship, and grace.

So this is my focus:

• To be a friend who listens.

• An ally who stands alongside.

• An advocate who speaks life.

• A homie who makes space for laughter, presence, and honesty.
  
  

These may sound simple, but they are the core of who I am. And if I can grow in these roles first as a wife, mother, daughter, and aunt, then that love will ripple outward—to my friendships, my work, and even to strangers whose paths briefly cross mine.

Life changes us, and I am changed.

My Prayer

Lord, as I walk forward in this new season, teach me how to add value to the lives around me. Help me to love deeply, without reservation. Show me how to be a faithful wife, a nurturing mother, a grateful daughter, and a present aunt. Strengthen me to be a friend who listens, an ally who stands firm, an advocate who speaks truth, and a homie who brings joy.

As I journey toward who You are shaping me to be, remind me to give myself extra grace—to be kinder to myself, to speak life over my own heart and mind. May the Fruit of the Spirit grow in me until they overflow into every relationship I hold. Let my life be marked by love, companionship, and grace, so that all who cross my path will know they have been valued and seen.

Amen.